{Parent}hood

If you only like posts about how perfect my life is then don't read this. 

I have been watching the show "Parenthood" lately.  Every single time I have watched it I cry.  I don't just mean the little tear trickle but a full on sob my eyes out cry.  There is a family on the show that has a child with Asperger Syndrome.  It seems like every story line that they use relates to our family and what we face with Ellie.  Recently Ellie had a similar situation happen that came up on tonight's show.  Granted they were different it a lot of ways but there was a scene of the husband and wife talking in bed about what had happened to their son that just tore my heart out.  He wasn't invited to a party...

You might think...So?

I know that just seems trivial.  There will be another party, another thing he will be invited to but that is just it.  There won't be another party.  And yes, these special needs kids, they know.

In the show the mother approached the mother of the child that didn't invite her son to find out why?  I thought how hard that would be.  Then she made a statement that hit home.  (Both of the kids have Asperger Syndrome so they could relate to each other).  What she said is "Hasn't there been a time when you have gone crazy for your child, and called somebody out when you never would have before."

Well I never did that and still it bothers me that...

I know that I should be able to just get over it but it has truly bothered me for months. I know not every kid gets invited to the parties but this one happened to be one that SHOCKED me. I have never spoken to the parents about their reasons so I couldn't tell you why they chose not to invite her. The hardest part is I truly LOVE this family, yet every time I see them, laugh with them, hang out with them, I leave and all the sudden it comes back to me. They didn't invite Ellie. I don't want to feel like that but I do.  Jeron has felt the same way.  Both of us were kind of in shock.  Both of us have on multiple times discussed this to see if we could figure out the reason.  Both of us got hurt. 

I guess the thing that is hardest is they have had Ellie in their home. She has played with their kids, so why exclude her now. I know Ellie will never know this happened to her, because I will never tell her. I just don't get why it had to happen. Ellie doesn't have a single friend her age that calls her or does anything to hang out with her. I know she will never be the friend of choice but it hurts. JJ, Emma, and even Elsie now get calls from friends...not Ellie. It eats at me but what do I do? I can't really say "hey you, can your child please make special arrangements to play with my daughter." We have tried to have friends come over and they do sometimes, but they NEVER call her.

I just have to keep reminding myself that school is like a huge play date for Ellie. She loves the friends that she has at school. They really have been a great group of kids for her. I will hold onto that. I know this is something I need to work out and in time I will. I just hurt for her. Ellie probably doesn't really care..like I do, but she does care. She gets so excited when she gets asked to play. She has an amazing BIG sister that lets Ellie play with her and her friends. Emma's friends are great to let ELlie tag along. I love those girls for that. Sometimes they even have Ellie come with them to their homes when Emma comes.

I try to focus on the good but every once in a while like tonight when they talk about the very thing that is bothering me on a show it just makes all those raw emotions come back up. The hurt has not gone away it is just buried down in me. I can get over a lot of things but when it comes to my kids it is just a lot harder to move past it. I will keep trying to work on this issue.  I know that I have a place to lay my burdens.  I just need to trust that I can.  Like I said earlier, we love this family, so I will find a way to move past this.  I just don't think I am as brave as the mom in the show.  I can't ask why Ellie wasn't invited because I am afraid of the answer. hmmm.....