I am here. I have not gone anywhere. Literally. I now work from home. This means I never leave my home. So really I know there is an outside world, I just miss it. Don't you worry, I have been taking pictures on the rare opportunities in which I do leave. I will post them soon.
As many might know I am not a fan of working. I want to be the one to raise my kids and do what they need to be the best people that they can be. Working is something that right now I have to do and it is tearing me up inside. I can see a difference in Ellie and Elsie's behavior. Emma and JJ are having to do more than they should have to. It really goes against every fiber of my being. I am constantly at war with myself right now. I am grateful for the job and that I can stay home to do it. It is just really hard to neglect my kids. I feel for those women out there that do this. If it feels anything like I feel... it sucks. I really feel that I am doing my best an nothing, and mediocrity at everything. My house is being neglected because during the moments I am not working I am not about to clean. I am going to be with my kids. So mountains of laundry are growing. Floors are sticky and gross. Beds haven't been made since I started. Don't even get me started on what we are eating. My kids are watching soooooo much TV and it shows in their attitudes. I know that it will start to get easier. I am just at the beginning of this. I just hope it isn't permanent. I KNOW where my place is and it certainly isn't working. It is being with my kids full time.
7 comments:
Hey Megan, hang in there. I know how you feel. If you need anything call me. Seriously, even just to let the kids play. Thinking of you :)
Oh Megan, I am so sorry!! This economy sucks right now and I know a ton of people who have had to go back to work. That is awesome that you can work from home though and 3 more weeks until the kids are in school...that will have to help. I admire your persistance and hard work, you are a wonderful mother and your kids know that!! Good Luck with Everything!
I don't believe that you are doing anything mediocre! You are doing great. Your kids are going to be fine; you just took them to the Oquirrh Temple Open House and they were very well behaved! :)
I know how you feel and I would feel the same way, but hang in there. I know you hate it, but at least you are still in the home and hey aren't in a daycare, you know? And you are NOT neglecting them; you are trying to take care of them by making some extra money. Don't feel guilty. Let me know how I can help.
Why don't they come here to play? Seriously, I think you are thinking it is worse than it is. I agree though - I don't know how mom's that work do it!?
I am so sorry. I hate the days I work and I have only done it three times this year for about 4 hours each time and I still HATE it!!!!!
I certainly have been missing you. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. You summed up exactly how I've been feeling exactly. I feel like I barely have time to breathe getting ready for Swiss Days. I've been painting non-stop and can't really even remember the last time I played with my kids. I told Chris this morning, "I really hate where my life is right now". Even when I take a break to play with the kiddos, I know the pile of canvases is waiting for me and MY HOUSE! A WRECK! Exactly as you described yours. sigh. It's rough, isn't it? But it sure makes you know where you should be!
Britt
Sending hugs because that is all I can do, but I sure wish I could do more....
Hey Megan!
I know exactly how you feel...I have been working from home for about 6 years now and in some ways it hasn't gotten any easier, but in others it has...
I have to tell myself that this is a luxury to be able to work from home and it is also a good message to send my kids...that moms work too and we all need to contribute to make our house run.
There are days when I hate it! Mostly summer because I would just rather be outside, but you do find a groove and find a system that works for you. Even if that means that for 1 hour every day everyone just cleans as much as they can...anyway...I get it and if you need to vent I am here for you!!!
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