I am here. I have not gone anywhere. Literally. I now work from home. This means I never leave my home. So really I know there is an outside world, I just miss it. Don't you worry, I have been taking pictures on the rare opportunities in which I do leave. I will post them soon.
As many might know I am not a fan of working. I want to be the one to raise my kids and do what they need to be the best people that they can be. Working is something that right now I have to do and it is tearing me up inside. I can see a difference in Ellie and Elsie's behavior. Emma and JJ are having to do more than they should have to. It really goes against every fiber of my being. I am constantly at war with myself right now. I am grateful for the job and that I can stay home to do it. It is just really hard to neglect my kids. I feel for those women out there that do this. If it feels anything like I feel... it sucks. I really feel that I am doing my best an nothing, and mediocrity at everything. My house is being neglected because during the moments I am not working I am not about to clean. I am going to be with my kids. So mountains of laundry are growing. Floors are sticky and gross. Beds haven't been made since I started. Don't even get me started on what we are eating. My kids are watching soooooo much TV and it shows in their attitudes. I know that it will start to get easier. I am just at the beginning of this. I just hope it isn't permanent. I KNOW where my place is and it certainly isn't working. It is being with my kids full time.
Hey Megan, hang in there. I know how you feel. If you need anything call me. Seriously, even just to let the kids play. Thinking of you :)
ReplyDeleteOh Megan, I am so sorry!! This economy sucks right now and I know a ton of people who have had to go back to work. That is awesome that you can work from home though and 3 more weeks until the kids are in school...that will have to help. I admire your persistance and hard work, you are a wonderful mother and your kids know that!! Good Luck with Everything!
ReplyDeleteI don't believe that you are doing anything mediocre! You are doing great. Your kids are going to be fine; you just took them to the Oquirrh Temple Open House and they were very well behaved! :)
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel and I would feel the same way, but hang in there. I know you hate it, but at least you are still in the home and hey aren't in a daycare, you know? And you are NOT neglecting them; you are trying to take care of them by making some extra money. Don't feel guilty. Let me know how I can help.
Why don't they come here to play? Seriously, I think you are thinking it is worse than it is. I agree though - I don't know how mom's that work do it!?
I am so sorry. I hate the days I work and I have only done it three times this year for about 4 hours each time and I still HATE it!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI certainly have been missing you. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. You summed up exactly how I've been feeling exactly. I feel like I barely have time to breathe getting ready for Swiss Days. I've been painting non-stop and can't really even remember the last time I played with my kids. I told Chris this morning, "I really hate where my life is right now". Even when I take a break to play with the kiddos, I know the pile of canvases is waiting for me and MY HOUSE! A WRECK! Exactly as you described yours. sigh. It's rough, isn't it? But it sure makes you know where you should be!
ReplyDeleteBritt
Sending hugs because that is all I can do, but I sure wish I could do more....
ReplyDeleteHey Megan!
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel...I have been working from home for about 6 years now and in some ways it hasn't gotten any easier, but in others it has...
I have to tell myself that this is a luxury to be able to work from home and it is also a good message to send my kids...that moms work too and we all need to contribute to make our house run.
There are days when I hate it! Mostly summer because I would just rather be outside, but you do find a groove and find a system that works for you. Even if that means that for 1 hour every day everyone just cleans as much as they can...anyway...I get it and if you need to vent I am here for you!!!